I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
