So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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