I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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