I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
