Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
