Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
