half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
