The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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