morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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