dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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