do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
