Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize