Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
