Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
