new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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