I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
