After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
