we made out on top of his cat.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I stole a fireplace last night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize