i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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