I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My life is pants optional.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize