You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
