It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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