fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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