i permit you to call me
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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