He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
