Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
