for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
