The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
