Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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