why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
