yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
