They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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