i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
