I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize