he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
