Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
