Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize