If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
