I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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