i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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