I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
this beer tastes like vomit already
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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