even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize