I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
