Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
