you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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