I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
