So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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