just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
