i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
