I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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