so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
