i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
