Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
