3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hippo gnu deer
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
