what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
