How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
