so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
