my mouth tastes like poor choices
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
