You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize