no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
