I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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