every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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