So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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