I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
