I hate your face
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
