me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
