I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
