If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
