Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
