What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize