i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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