I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
