i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
