Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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