When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
