Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
