My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just threw up on my dentist
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
