His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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