But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
