in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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