best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
