God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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