I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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