Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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